He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
