I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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