in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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