Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
