you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
