So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize