If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
