She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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