Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
