woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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