Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i love accidental penises.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
