Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
