Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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