omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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