you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
