theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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