i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
