its not stalking. its research.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
