Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
