she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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