I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
