he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
