she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
