he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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