He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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