i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You ruined the universe
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
