is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
time to smoke my breakfast
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
