32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
