I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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