i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
