Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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