When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
