I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
