Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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