I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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