So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
