Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize