Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
