So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
