I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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