u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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