I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
