Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
