Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think my fart just growled at me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
