tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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