I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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