so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
