o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
