i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
