College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
