six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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