It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
