then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize