just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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