I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
