i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You are a genius and a whore.
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