community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize