just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
