Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
