i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
