Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
