I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
