I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
