She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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