I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize