All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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