Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
