I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
