I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
