I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
