i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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