just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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