no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
