from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
