Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
