she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
