your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
