we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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