i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
