I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
