Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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