And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
