it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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