We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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