i would punch a child for taco bell
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think a kid would responsible me up
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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