I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
