Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
