there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
