I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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