one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
only you would photoshop your dick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
